Grief experienced following the loss of a loved one, especially a spouse, is often compared to waves. Waves that start out large and frequent, but, over time, diminish in size and frequency. The first feelings of grief hit hard, like a large wave. It stops you in any current activity, and like being hit by a large wave, you need to regain your footing, getting back to normalcy. Then, BAM!, you are hit by the next one. You realize that you are still at the same part of the situation. You try to ride it out, but you cannot, for a short while. You weep, question, complain, bargain, swear, hate, blame, and continue weeping. You may also become violent, trying to get control, but you can't. So you ride it out, fighting all the way.
The grief waves do get smaller and less frequent over time, but they don't ever seem to go away entirely. You learn to refocus your efforts and feelings to everyday life, less your spouse. It is kind of empty without them. The loss takes away your joy and anticipation. What you are left with is existing, doing what needs to be done, delaying what you cannot do, constantly questioning. Why? What now? Do I need help or can I handle this alone? God, please can I have him/her back?
Then, something happens. You start to see the world and people around you. The struggle gets easier. You go out and start to get involved again. New activities are better. Your old activities are missing your spouse, and you have been trying to avoid them or anything like them because it is painful. Inspired by God, you do start to see beauty in the world and activities around you, available to you. You take on challenges. You take care of your health. You are coming back to life, but a different life. There are still the small waves of grief, but you handle them better and quicker now. You still love your spouse and expect to have some grief as you move forward.
Then, out of the blue, some sight, place, words, activity, holiday, anniversary, brings on the worst grief that you have experienced in a while, a Rogue Wave of grief. Like the first waves of grief, it hits hard and knocks you down, figuratively. It's a satanically inspired attack. Your weaknesses are known and used against you at just the right time. Your lost loves, desires, plans, hopes all hit you at once, like a rogue wave. It is a terrible feeling. But then you are inspired again by God to do something to break up the wave, the feeling. A nap, something comical, a pet, a beautiful scene, a strenuous activity, anything beneficial to smash the wave. It may not seem like a victory, but is a defeat of the wave with the strength from Jesus, to get back to your new normal and knowing that God is with you and that He loves you.
